Football 101: For the Ladies- Chiefs Edition

Assuming you aren’t just this huge fan of Lauren Powers and all my amateur work, you may have not read my original article, “Football 101: For the Ladies”. If this is true, slow your role and check it out first then come back to us. If you have, welcome back and I admire your ambition to love some football.

In this informative, yet completely biased article, I’ll touch base on a few things you as a rookie Chiefs fan need to know about the upcoming season. (Today. It begins today, girl.)

First off, here’s a link to the boys’ schedule. Put it in that pretty little planner of yours.

Second, Patrick Mahomes. That is all.

No, I’m kidding.

But really, Patty is the man.

Sorry, let’s get serious. So as you know (or now know), the Kansas City Chiefs 2017-18 season begins tonight during Thursday Night Football at 7:30 PM sharp. Another fun fact to share with your boy toy; this is the first time in history the Chiefs will open an NFL season. Which is ya know, super cool… and also super terrifying if you’ve ever been a Chiefs fan.

DISCLAIMER: Being a Chiefs fan can be one of the most rewarding yet heartbreaking things in the world. Like being a parent or something, so I’ve heard. They tug on those heart-strings more than any other team in the NFL. Maybe it’s just me… Just be cautious, alright. & don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Do I predict a win against 2017 Super Bowl Champs, the New England Patriots and their “breathtaking” QB, Tom Brady, you ask? Well yes, yes I do.

Along with opening the NFL season while majority of the country is watching, the Chiefs will play in six other “prime time” games this season. Ugh.

Here’s a Quick Run-Down of Some Important Peeps:

Coach Andrew Reid: This walrus resembling, beautiful man has helped shape our team into what it is today. No, you will never see him smile.

Alex Smith: Smith is our starting quarterback and a helluva guy. Blown games aside, he goes out there and gives his all every game and keeps up the lively spirit of this team.

Patrick Mahomes II: Remember him? Mahomes is our second string QB and straight outta Texas Tech. This rookie is 21 years-old and does the damn thing on the field. As Leo would say, “Patrick Mahomes throws the ball 80 YARDS!” (Here, watch it. It’s cute.)

Tyreek Hill: I don’t know what his mother fed him as a child, but thank goodness she did. You’ll have to see it to believe it but the kid can run faster than the speed of lightning. Or at least faster than a Bronco… sorry, not sorry.

Travis Kelce: Yes, he had a reality dating show and the girl he chose kept saying he was from Kansas City, Kansas…. We’ll move on. Kelce is our tight end, but is best known for “Most Ridiculous Dance Moves”, “Throws Towel at Ref When Angry” and “Heart of the Kansas City Chiefs”. Feisty at times, he loves this team and does some cool sh*t while he’s at it.

A few additional LP favorites to watch because I know you’re getting bored… Eric Berry: Defensive back, Marcus Peters: Corner back, Charcandrick (pronounced like “Shark Sandwich”) West & Kareem Hunt: Running backs and Dustin Colquitt: Punter

Teams You Are Required to Strongly Dislike as a Chiefs Fan:

Oakland Raiders: Just, ew.

Denver Broncos: Jamaal, the hurtful comments were unnecessary, okay?

New England Patriots: Two words: Tom. Brady. …….is a cheater.

Indianapolis Colts: The 2014 Playoff loss to Luck and the Colts is another thing we as Chiefs fans do not speak of.

San Diego, excuse me, Los Angeles Chargers: Someone grab Phillip Rivers a tissue for when he starts to cry like a baby after every call. (Sorry, he’s a nice guy but I mean… c’mon.)

“Best” Games to Watch This Season:

And by “Best” I mean “Most Potential to Make You Jump for Joy or Break Your Heart” (I warned you)…. With one of the toughest schedules in the league this season, I have faith my boys will pull through.

Sept. 7th @ NE— At your own risk…

Sept. 12th— First game at home, yeeeeah boyyyy.

Oct. 30th— MNF versus Denver, yeaah boyyy.

Dec. 3rd @ NY— Celebrate my birthday with a Chiefs win…. boyyyy.

Dec. 24th— Reference 2016 Christmas Day win.

Dec. 31st @ CO— Again, reference New Years’ win 2017.

Accounts to Follow to Stay Up To Date:

Me, uh, duh: Subscribe to my site at the bottom of the page & I’ll be posting game recaps throughout the season!

Mick Shaffer- 41 Action News: The grown-man version of myself. Follow him on Twitter, he’s hilarious @mickshaffer. 

Kansas City Chiefs: Can’t watch every game? Don’t worry, the Chiefs (and myself) will tweet every play of the game for you @Chiefs.

Travis Kelce: He usually has some assuming tweets @tkelce.

Charcandrick West: He likes to make fun of the other players, which is awesome @Charcandrick26.

LP Super Chiefs Fan Tips:

  1. Attend a game. I don’t care where in the stadium you are sitting, being in Arrowhead is the best feeling of all time. Win or lose, I promise you’ll enjoy it. (If you have sensitive eardrums, bring some plugs. They don’t give “Loudest Stadium in the World” to just anybody, my friend.)
  2. Pick a favorite player & splurge and get the jersey. NOT A PINK ONE.
  3. If you can’t Tomahawk Chop, you’re not a real fan yet.
  4. Drinking beer while watching games at home (or in the stadium, at college, at your grandma’s, etc.) is a must.
  5. Being a Chiefs fan requires a lot of perseverance. Losses can be tough, but having faith is a huge part of being a fan of this team. I’ve been writing down plays and taking notes of my favorite players since 2002, so I like to think of myself as somewhat of a dedicated fan. ; )

Wasn’t kidding…… Halloween 2007. Tony Gonzalez or Lauren? We may never know.Halloween 2007

So now that you’ve got the Chiefs 2017-18 Run-Down: Girl Edition, along with the basics to understanding football, you’re heading toward the end zone of being a football expert! Now get out and get yourself an overpriced football jersey, some of those face tattoos or a Chiefs fidget spinner or something.

If you loved (or hated) this post please share & then subscribe to my site to stay updated on all the craziness going on in my life!

Questions or comments? Good or bad? Anything you’d like to hear in my next post? Leave it below! The more feedback the better & I promise not to hold it against you. ; )


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